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that is all.
Current Mood: 
sad
sadCurrent Music: the beginning is the end is the beginning
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Hello darkness my old friend.
I've come to talk to you again.
09 March 2009 @ 04:21 am
I'm afraid.
There's just....demons...in my mind...in my head.
I really think that it was when they reared their ugly heads, that my relationship with him went down hill.
After what he said, I'm not so sure we'll ever end up together.
I don't want anyone else, but also, I don't want to wait forever for something that might not even happen.
It's all just a fucking joke.
Current Mood: 
drained
drained09 March 2009 @ 12:59 am
It's not like anyone reads this.
But, I feel like I'm drifting from reality.
I don't want anything to do with most of my so called friends any more.
I find it almost painful to start and finish a drawing.
My dolls just sit there looking pretty, which I feel guilty to the point that I am considering selling them about.
I don't know.
I know no one reads this.
But, I find it rather cathartic.
It's my emotional and needy nature that has driven a lot of people away from me.
And, on here I can let it all out without anyone knowing about it.
He was right.
He's a fictional character and he was right.
It's all a fucking joke.
Current Mood: depressed
depressedCurrent Music: sound of silence=simon&garfunkel
02 March 2009 @ 01:09 pm
blah18 November 2008 @ 03:27 pm
I am madly in love.
Things couldn't be better.
I'll post more often.
Though, I'm quite positive no one reads this.
Current Music: think I'm in love= beck
10 November 2008 @ 02:10 am
loved08 November 2008 @ 04:04 pm
I don't know.
I've been in one of these funks where I don't feel like doing anything.
Fuck.
I hate it.
Current Music: Live your life=T.I./Rihanna
06 November 2008 @ 11:24 pm
04 November 2008 @ 12:04 pm
and
I would be totally psyched to go if they kept their word about letting me bring Clint
but
they've decided not to let me bring him.
Since he and I have started dating there hasn't been a day that we didn't talk
and
now they expect me to go 11 days without talking to him?
I can't do it.
As much as I want to go to Disneyland in Paris, it's just not worth it.
We'll be gone for 11 days, and only one of those days will be spent at Disneyland
and
that's really the only thing I wanted to do.
It just doesn't seem worth it to me...to be gone for that long without contact from him....for one day at Disneyland.
Yeah...I know...I bet you're reading this, think OMFG she's complaining about going to Paris and London?!
But...I just don't want to have to go that long without him.
I love him
and
I don't get to see him enough as it is.
So, I would much rather stay home and have him visit than go to London and Paris.
Current Mood: sad
sadCurrent Music: kidnap the sandy claws=korn
03 November 2008 @ 01:32 pm
Even though I am pretty sure no one reads this.
It makes me feel better.
So since I failed to update at all for the month of October, I will give you the condensed version now.
I ended up going to Knotts Scary Farm with Phil, his ex, and marc.
Would have been a lot more fun if Phil's ex wasn't such a weenie.
We ended up going through 9 out of 13 haunted houses because of his weenie status.
I went to Talldega Frights and The Chamber with Jeff.
Talladega Frights sucked...it was staffed by a bunch of little kids who had no concept of scare tactics.
The Chamber was awesome. Nuff said.
I some how randomly ended up at Frightfest on a sunday night with my cousins and aunt.
I had a lot of fun despite getting sick after going on Tatsu.
We went through all the haunted houses, and on Tatsu, Colossus backwards, Scream, and Riddler's Revenge.
I saw phil with his new boy toy there too.
Then, I spend the weekend of Halloween with my boyfriend, Clint.
It was perfect.
I love him.
I feel closer to him after this weekend than I ever have before.
Which is saying something, because I have always felt very close to him.
It was pathetic though.
I cried when we were saying goodbye at the airport.
The past month has been pretty awesome.
ChesterJester/Spartacus for the whitehouse 2008
Current Music: dead silence(2005)=Abney Park
18 September 2008 @ 01:18 pm
wtf?!
bloody mary in florida and live your worst nightmares in hollywood?
come the fuck on!!!!!!!!!
your bloody mary concept seems to have so much more thought put into.
its so much deeper
and honestly....lets face it....texas chainsaw massacre back in business stunk last year
scariest haunt my ass
it was mildly surprising at best
fuck
the one year i want to go to florida for hhn is the one year i cant
and you know what?
despite what they say on the hhn page, it's not the first year they have the new line boys there.
Freddy, Jason, and Leatherface were there last year
despite my annoyances with universal, i'm still going to hhn in hollywood
why?
Because i fucking love Freddy Krueger and they said they're going to have a new haunt with him, Home Sweet Hell i believe its called.
im too annoyed for proper grammar
now on to the countdowns to happiness
5w3d till i get to see my man
43 days till horror nights
Current Music: nothing
13 September 2008 @ 11:33 am
FUCKING SHIT MAN!!!!!!!!!
That and the possibility of visiting my man are pretty much the only things that are helping me keep trucking through school.
I'm depressed as shit while I'm at school.
I love my classes but I hate hate hate the social aspect of it all.
I have no friends there.
Thank god for Phil though!
He said he or his boyfriend would pick me up on fridays and bring me back on sundays.
I still consider Phil one of my better friends.
Anyway, Thursday night before I left was the first time I talked to my room mates for more than 5 seconds.
I got locked out on Friday and had to wake up Nicole.
I think she hates me now. ^^;;
It's not like I give a shit though.
HA!
*Count Down to Horror Nights
Current Music: White Wedding=Abney Park
08 September 2008 @ 12:20 am
My room mates, Nicole, Hannah, and Marissa are prettyh cool.
We got a house in Goleta.
I got a private room.
and
Classes start tomorrow.
I'm not sure how often I will be able to update after this but I'll try to as often as I can.
01 September 2008 @ 02:28 pm
Won't be back till friday.
Leave again sunday night
Not sure how often I will update once classes start.
I don't think anyone cares anyway.
Current Music: All The Myths Are True-Abney Park
24 August 2008 @ 12:32 pm
I should make a list.
-send my man the book I got him
-get my license
-get a car
-get stuff for school (for the apartment and supplies for class....The list of that stuff is even longer than this one)
-get mani/pedi and haircut
-hang out with my friends as much as possible
I know it doesn't seem like that much to do but when you're the one who's actually doing it, it is.
I have pretty much a week to get it all done too.
....
The last one is a bit difficult too.
I want so badly to just spend time with the few true friends I have and it almost feels like they want nothing to do with me.
It's kinda depressing.
So...my plans for today are lunch with the grandparents, then driving, then hopefully hanging out with the guys.
Current Music: man behind the curtain=circus minor
22 August 2008 @ 10:11 pm
I went driving, saw Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants2 with my mom, and then, after that it hit me like a ton of bricks.
I am probably going to drift from a lot of my friends and I don't fucking care.
There's four people that I'm going to keep around and that is it.
I've been crying most of the day about this.
It sucks.
Current Music: God Called in Sick Today=AFI
21 August 2008 @ 03:22 pm
Fuck people!!!!!!!!!!
I am no longer going to let them make me feel guilty for being happy!!
Anyway, I drove to Arvin today.
It was pretty easy.
Dan, my behind the wheel instructor, helped me schedule my drive test for the 27th in Arvin while we were out there.
Arvin is a pretty easy place to drive in as long as you pay attention.
He said a lot of the people there don't have licenses.
Dan and I talked about movies and stuff.
The dude has some good taste in movies, horror and star wars and such.
So yeah!
I'm going to have my license before I leave!!!!!!!!!!
(Knock on wood.)
Countdown till I leave:
11 days
Edit
10:20pm
So today was pretty fun.
Spent it with Chris.
I'm hoping to go visit the boyfriend soon.
I miss him terribly
That is all.
Current Music: Thelma&Louise=Horrorpops
20 August 2008 @ 02:17 pm
Don't get me wrong, I'm happy my man is in school and stuff, but I miss him.
We don't talk as much as we used to.
He says I'm not being selfish but I feel like I am.
I just miss him that's all.
In other news, my driving is going well.
Even Mr. Satan said I'm doing better.
I drove to the mall with my mom today.
I got an Ed Hardy bag, super cute new underwear, and a new halter top.
She said I'm a better driver than she thought I was going to be.
So....yeah.....I don't know.
I'm kinda depressed about leaving but happy at the same time.
I'm trying to take my man's advice and get out more.
Yesterday I hung out with the boys.
Today I went to the mall and lunch with my mom.
Saturday I have plans to hang out with Stitch.
I'm supposed to hang out with Gir sometime this week.
I'm hoping he doesn't flake on me.
I'm going to go take a nap or something like it.
Countdown till I leave begins now:
12 days
Current Mood: sad
sadCurrent Music: cities of night=blaqk audio
19 August 2008 @ 01:04 pm
My arms hurt.
My fingers are numb.
And all because I drove for over 2 hours straight.
Luckily, Mr. Satan wasn't so satanic today.
He actually said I was doing better than last time I drove with him.
^_^
I really think I need medication for my anxiety.
I was on anti depressants for a while but I stopped taking those.
They just don't work.
I think I'm going to the mall with the boys later.
Clint said I need to get out more, which was kinda almost hurtful, but it's true.
So....yeah.
I'm hopefully going to the mall with the boys later.
Speaking of the boys, last night they came over.
I had fun.
We went swimming and binged on peanutbutter cookies, ben and jerry's and the wii.
Current Music: Cave Canem=Nekromantix
18 August 2008 @ 03:13 pm
#)(*%&#)(*%&#)(*&%)#(*%&)(#*&%)#(*%&$^%($&#)*(%&$*(T@(#*&#_*&@)%&#)%&^
I am so over the high school bull shit.
I had a behind the wheel today.
It went pretty well.
I guess there's nothing else to report.
Jenn out.
Ha!
Shoot me for saying that please.
Edit
5:51pm
So I'm dreading tomorrow.
I found out earlier that tomorrow's behind the wheel is with the teacher I dubbed Mr. Satan.
He reminds me of the priesty dude from Corpse Bride.
I call him Mr. Satan because he made me want to cry.
FUUUUGGGHHHHCK
I don't want to drive tomorrow.
Current Music: stranglehold=the slants